I’m a little self-conscious about my taste in music. Growing up, music, or what’s considered “good” music, wasn’t something we just had around. In my early years, before music was readily available to me for free, it was an unnecessary expense.
When we drove around in my family’s tiny, two-door, beige Toyota, I remember listening to Magic 103.5 (*sings* San Antooonioooooo!!!!*sings*) which, at the time, was top 40 music from the 70’s, 80’s, and 90’s. We also had this Amy Grant cassette tape. Oh man, the Myer girls loved Amy Grant. While my dad’s pickup did include such fabulous amenities as a never-ending supply of used dental floss wrapped around the steering column and hidden stashes of Carmex, it did not include a radio. Instead, Dad would sing the lyrics, “Make your own music…” over and over, which he insisted came from a real song. Years later, when I was in my second year of college I remember what a shocking revelation it was that my dad knew of (and LOVED) The Beatles. I shit you not. Let me just repeat that again for those of you not paying attention: I did not know that my father, who was a teen during the mid to late 60’s, knew who The Beatles were.
At home, a very special treat was when my mom brought out the record player and Nancy Sinatra album. We’d dance around the living room like small, sexy maniacs to “These Boots are Made for Walkin‘”. She didn’t like us worked-up, wiggly girls picking up the needle and putting it back to the beginning of the song, so this indulgence was reserved for times Mom was doing something she didn’t mind being interrupted during.
Shortly after arriving at middle school I began to realize that I was behind the curve when it came to music pop-culture knowledge. To this day, I’ve never caught up. I have been shamed about it by almost every boyfriend I’ve ever had, and there are songs I instinctively skip in my “Favorites” playlist when I’m listening to them with other people. I’m pretty self-conscious about a lot of things, but my taste in music is one failing I’ve tried for so long to escape.
But, the older I get and the more people whose music I listen to, the more I realize that everyone has a collection of terrible songs. After all, the genre of screamo exists. Isane Clown Posse is totally still a thing. If music were about objectivity, it would be math. I will always love some music that is considered by many to be objectively crappy. Everyone has those songs they can’t shake, and wouldn’t want to if they tried. The younger version of me was embarrassed about the things I liked…but the person I am now doesn’t give much of a shit anymore.
So, in celebration of being at peace with myself I’m putting out a little taste of my top guilty pleasure music. The first one is a doozy….so, proceed with caution and a good sense of humor:
10. Cabbage Patch Christmas: No, I don’t like this in an ironic way. This is my all-time favorite Christmas album. Perhaps only because I grew up on it, but I love it all the same. Like Nancy Sinatra, this album was for special occasions. For a little girl growing up in San Antonio, Texas who had no memory of snow, the song Sleigh Ride was a wild adventure of imagination and another damn good excuse to dance wildly around the living room. I also, loved Gimme Gimme Take Take. The character voices were always fascinating to me and I still love listening to them. While the rest of the Christian world is listening to Nat King Cole, I’m enjoying the twangy holiday adventures of produce orphans.
9. “Tonight Tonight” – Hot Chelle Rae: Having a bad week? NO! We are running this town! Cheer up because you live in a world where tattoos that sort of look like Zach Galifianackis exist! It’s time for you to quit that California dime that’s been cheating on you and enjoy a party on the rooftop/top of the world, my friend. Don’t wait til later to turn it around….do it tonight! Tonight!
8. “Stars are Blind” – Paris Hilton: So what? It makes me feel like I’m at the beach… And, if someone as talent-less as Paris can put out an album, just think of what I could do with my life!
7. “Shots” – LMFAO: I dare you not to dance. I dare you.
6. “Cotton-Eye Joe” – Rednex: Favorite church dance song ever because it was so easy to dance to. Not to mention that you don’t have to worry about how many Book of Mormons there are between you and whoever else’s feet you’re stepping on because there is nothing sexy whatsoever about this song. It’s just good stupid fun.
5. “MMMBop” – Hanson: This song is so great that it probably shouldn’t even be on this list. I still love you, Taylor.
4. “Click Clack (Make Dat Money)” – RuPaul: If this song doesn’t get you to channel your inner-drag queen fierceness, you never had any to begin with. Everyone feels bad for you.
3. “So Yesterday” – Hillary Duff: Only an angsty, teenage pop song can truly encapsulate a bad breakup. But don’t worry about him! That was SO yesterday….and you don’t have to feel bad about keeping some of his shit as a consolation prize.
2. “The Real Slim Shady – Eminem“: That this song can survive being associated so heavily in my mind with the douchey middle school boys who would sing it on the school bus and still not make me hate it speaks volumes to how catchy it is. I still can’t quit you, Marshall.
1.”Party in the USA – Miley Cyrus“: This song got me through the first few disorienting years of living in Utah. I’d be alone on the bus, feeling like nothing, when “Party in the USA” would come on my little RCA mp3 player and, all of a sudden, everything was alright. Sometimes, I’d tear up a little because even if nobody else knew what I was going through, Miley did…..Miley did.
Welp, now that you know some of my most deep, dark secrets it would be rude of you not to share some of yours with me. Let me know what some of your most embarrassing favorite songs are!